Stop Asking This One Question that Keeps Your Home Cluttered

Have you ever tried decluttering with a child? You walk into their room, or the family room, or wherever the toys are piled highest, and it’s so overwhelming you just feel like dumping the lot.

It may be a natural feeling, but you know it would be cruel, and that’s not what you want. You just want some clarity. You want some peace. You want some space to walk without stabbing your foot on a toy!

So you pick up something you know your child hasn’t actually played with in quite a while. It’s a thing that gets tossed around when she’s looking for the thing she really wants. It’s pretty ratty-looking too (unless it’s made of plastic, in which case it will look brand-new when it’s been in the landfill for a century). Then you ask her the question.

Truth? This is the question that’s going to keep your entire house cluttered.

Reasons We Keep Our Stuff

We’re really good at accumulating, but not so good at getting rid of things. That’s obvious, right? That’s why our homes are crowded and cluttered. We pick something up, hold it, consider it, and our minds fill with all the reasons we should keep it.

• It was a gift.
• You spent good money for it.
• It belonged to Grandma.
• It’s still perfectly good.
• You might need it someday.
• It’s actually kind of cute.
• It might eventually become a valuable collectible.

That’s why the “keep” pile stays so big while the “donate,” “sell,” and “trash” piles grow so slowly. We might spend an hour decluttering and only find six things to remove. Oh, wait a minute… maybe just five. I’ve got to keep this.

No wonder we’re still cluttered! Plus, now we’re discouraged and pretty sure that minimalism will never work. We’re more at the mercy of our stuff than we were when we started.

It’s because we’re asking ourselves that same question.

What is that question?

Here’s what happens when you hold up a toy and ask your kids, “Do you want to get rid of this?” One (or more) of them is going to melt down and insist that you can’t possibly get rid of it. They will suddenly morph into Clarence Darrow and give you a list of reasons why that toy is innocent and must stay. They will be eloquent, sincere, and possibly even tearful. They will grab the toy from you and cuddle it, as if to reassure it that their commitment is strong.

You will not declutter any toys that day.

The question, “Should I get rid of this?” can make a boxed-up, unused, even ragged or broken thing feel like something you should keep.

There’s actually science behind this. Retailers know all about it. If they can get you to touch something, adjust it, handle it, and/or try it on, your attachment to that thing grows. In fact, the longer you touch an object, the greater the value you assign to it. That’s right – you’ll pay more (up to 60% more) for something you’ve handled and imagined as your own.

How To Turn It Around

Here’s how to make decluttering much easier. Instead of asking “Should I get rid of this?” or touching your stuff and activating that “It’s mine, and I want to keep it” response, make your question positive.

Ask, “What do I want to keep?”

Instead of worrying about everything you might lose by decluttering, focus on what you’ll get to keep and enjoy. Realize how much easier it will be to find that thing, or to appreciate it in an uncluttered display, when you have only what you need and love.

When I first decluttered toys with my kids, we started talking about their favorite toys. That was fun! They picked out the toys they loved and played with most often, and even got excited about giving other things to “kids who don’t have any toys.” It was quick, painless, and left us with a fairly small number of keepers and a big pile of things to trash, donate, or sell at our next garage sale.

Making the question positive helps you envision that home you dream of – that beautiful, peaceful, clutter-free home. What do you want in it? What would make life comfortable and efficient? What would you enjoy looking at every day? What fits and flatters, mixes and matches?

Try a different question when you’re ready to declutter. Instead of asking what you should remove, turn it around and ask, “What do I want to keep?” It will help you get to less.

Another Perspective

I stand behind the positive mindset of this post, but I’m going to play devil’s advocate here. Decluttering expert Marie Kondo gives almost the opposite advice, and it seems to work for a lot of people. She says you should touch and evaluate every possession as you declutter.

Many of us have well-organized homes, with extensive storage solutions. Some are even carefully styled and color-coordinated. We think, “Look how neat and tidy my home is. Look how attractive my clothes closet/pantry/linen closet looks! I don’t have a clutter problem!”

But when confronted with the challenge to touch and assess each thing we own, we balk. We panic. We feel overwhelmed with the impossibility of handling every item.

Some studies show that the average American home contains 300,000 objects, from serving spoons to sofas. That’s 300,000 items to hold and evaluate. To decide “Do I love this thing? Do I need or want to keep and use this, or should I donate, sell, or discard it? Is this the optimum place to store it, if I am going to keep it? Is it easy to access and put away again?”

If your first thought is a sinking feeling that you just have too much stuff to go through the effort of putting your hands on each individual item, that might be a clue that you own way too much. If nothing else, the sheer volume of your possessions may convince you that you need to stop shopping for the “fun” of it. It might convince you that you can stop worrying about hanging on to things “just in case,” because you have plenty. You might even realize that all of your mementos and collections are a jumble in your mind, unable to get attention, inspire memories, or give you any enjoyment because there’s so much you never even notice any more. Too much is buried in a box, stuffed on a shelf, or covered by a jumble.

Maybe you should go ahead and touch everything. Make decisions about what to keep and where to store it. And do everything you can to add things to your “remove it” pile.

Which idea resonates most with you?

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About the Author: Karen Trefzger is a writer, singer, teacher, wife, mother, and grandmother who has been choosing a simpler life for over 20 years. She is the author of several books about minimalism, and blogs at Maximum Gratitude Minimal Stuff.