How I planned a seamless single parent holiday with a baby and a nine-year-old

A holiday as a solo parent is rarely one in the traditional sense. But my recent trip to Lanzarote staying at two hotels that genuinely understood children came close.

The reality hit me before we had even reached the airport, when my daughter was sick all over me on the train. This is the sort of detail you forget to factor in when imagining your trip as a breezy, capable mother of two.

I boarded wearing the evidence of the journey, with only deep breathing and maternal determination to get me through.

Later, beside a swimming pool on the Canary Island, Frozen’s Olaf waved enthusiastically at my nine-month-old son. He stared back with the baffled expression; not emotionally prepared for a giant snowman in 25C heat. I too had no idea what was going on.

This was our first holiday as a trio, and beforehand I had known I had to plan it carefully. When you are travelling as the only adult with a baby and an older child, the question is not simply: where is lovely? It is also: where will not break me?

For that reason, Lanzarote made sense. It is warm and on the same time zone as the UK – a wildly underrated gift when travelling with an infant. No jet lag, no 3am crisis beside a travel cot when the baby thinks it’s already morning. The flight from the UK is around four hours, which sits in the golden zone between “manageable” and “I may never recover”. Once you land, the island is small enough that you are not facing a long transfer before the holiday has even begun.

Read more: I went on the perfect Tuscan family road trip – at the worst time of year

Flying from Bristol was a revelation. We could get there by train, saving the cost and stress of airport parking, and making the whole journey feel more manageable from the start.

With two children, a pram, two cabin bags and one small 10kg checked case to carry, I had reduced my luggage to the bare minimum: four bikinis, four sundresses and one pair of shorts. By the end of the week, the shorts had done more work than any item of clothing should reasonably do. Still, I stand by the method.

As for the hotel, I did not need one that would sound impressive, I needed one that was functional. My prerequisites were: spacious rooms; fresh food; a beach nearby for a change of scenery; somewhere to walk the pram; cafes and shops nearby – and, crucially, somewhere the baby could nap while my daughter swam.

Our first hotel, the 385-room Princesa Yaiza Suite Hotel Resort in Playa Blanca, the island’s southernmost resort town, was the hotel my children needed. It is not especially cheap, but the value was in how many of my boxes it ticked, and therefore, the fact that it would stop me from leaking money during the day. If the beach is beside the hotel, you do not need taxis. If the pool works for both children, you do not need paid entertainment. If breakfast is generous enough, you can stretch it into lunch.

It was also a bonus that it has an impressive kid’s club, and my older child walked in with the confidence of someone arriving at a private members’ club where everyone knows their name. Within minutes she had disappeared with her new friends, while I stood there holding the baby, amazed by the possibility of one child being happily occupied.

My son was too young for most of the organised activities, which started from age three, although there was a creche available at an hourly cost, where the staff were wonderful. He loved the toys. But I could not quite bring myself to leave him. That is one of the contradictions of solo parent travel: you are desperate for a break, but can find yourself clinging even harder to the baby.

The biggest cost saving was going half-board. At Princesa Yaiza, the breakfast was generous with enough choice of fruit, bread, eggs, yoghurt and pastries to keep everyone happy.

One morning, after I mentioned I loved smoothies, a member of staff made me one. Another day they brought me the grain bread I had liked on the first morning. When you are parenting alone in public, these sorts of tiny kindnesses can make your whole day. Plus, no one batted an eyelid when the baby threw avocado at me. This, I have learned, is the true test of family-friendly luxury.

We settled into a rhythm: late breakfast, pool, beach, naps, snacks from the local shops and then an early dinner.

One night, we ate at Kampai, the hotel’s Japanese restaurant. While I cannot pretend our dinner was elegant – it was a reminder that I was not only a mother managing logistics; I was also a woman in a dress, eating delicious sushi on the coast.

We also swam in the sea, and the baby felt sand between his toes for the first time. It was May, and therefore windy, but warm, and not so hot that I spent the day worrying about shade and hydration. For a holiday with children, that matters.

Just as I had worked out the geography of the first hotel – we moved to Hotel Fariones, with 213 sea-view rooms, in Puerto del Carmen on the opposite side of the island.

This is the sort of thing I do because I am curious, and then immediately regret because it’s always harder than you think.

Read more: Alto Adige is the unusual part of Italy that’s perfect for families

But Fariones was worth it. If Princesa Yaiza was the hotel my children needed, this was the hotel I wanted. It was calmer, and incredibly chic, with tropical gardens, good coffee and live music in the evenings. It had the feeling of a proper grown-up holiday, but without making me feel I had brought children somewhere they should not be.

Here, there was also a beach and small shops nearby, negating the need for a car. My daughter loved the outdoor jacuzzis and treated them as though they were a second home. There were also group barbecue evenings and enough atmosphere that, if my children didn’t turn into pumpkins by 9pm, I might have stayed up and danced.

In reality, we were in bed early, though slept until 8am, which now feels more decadent than dancing. Sleep, as it turns out, is the new hedonism.

Here, I began to relax into the idea that we could do this. Yes, I watched other couples sometimes: the dad taking the child off so the mother could sleep on a sun lounger for three uninterrupted hours. I tried not to stare, or look bitter, which is difficult when you’re trying to stay awake to make sure one child does not fall into a pool while the other tries to eat a flip-flop.

Such is the emotional weather of solo parent travel. You can be proud, grateful, capable and slightly flattened all at once. You can be having a wonderful time and still notice the absence of another adult at the table.

The gift of both hotels was that they seemed to understand families in all their forms: nuclear, extended, polished, happy or fraying at the edges. Nobody made me feel odd for being alone with two children. Staff helped, and opened doors. There is comfort in being somewhere that has your back. By the time we left, the children were happy and relaxed, and I felt lighter than when we arrived.

My main takeaway after the holiday? Accept that travelling alone with children is not restful; it is parenting somewhere warmer, with better food, no washing up and fewer household chores. But somewhere between Olaf, the outdoor jacuzzis and the sand between my baby’s toes, I realised that it doesn’t have to be easy; it just has to make you feel, that you can carry your little family into the world on your own and be all right.

Lisa Oxenham was a guest of Rosa Hotels.

Read more: This party island is more family-friendly than you think

How to do it

Rooms at Princesa Yaiza start from £219 per room, per night (on a bed and breakfast basis) for families with children.

Hotel Fariones rates start from £330 per night for two.

How to get there

Ryanair, EasyJet and Jet2 offer low-cost flights to Lanzarote direct from Bristol, and all major UK airports.

Lanzarote Airport is around 30 minutes from Princesa Yaiza by taxi, with journeys costing around £45 to £50. Hotel Fariones is around a 10-minute drive.