I've studied more than 200 kids: Parents whose kids still confide in them as adults do 7 things early on
After studying more than 200 parent-child relationships, parenting expert Reem Raouda shares the habits that help kids feel comfortable talking to their parents — from childhood through adulthood.
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Many parents assume that if they're close to their child, their child will naturally open up to them.
But after years of working with families and studying more than 200 parent-child relationships, I've found that closeness alone doesn't always mean children will feel safe opening up.
Children are more likely to open up when they trust what happens when they do. The parents children continue turning to — at 7, 17 or even 27 — create space for difficult conversations.
Here are seven things they do with their kids starting at an early age.
1. They regulate themselves before trying to regulate their child
Kids are far more likely to open up when they aren't worried about how their parent will react.
The parents who know the most about their child's inner world have learned not to make their child's emotions feel like a problem to solve or a threat to manage.
Their children trust that they can bring hard things home.
2. They share who they are
Many parents expect openness from their children while revealing very little of themselves.
The parents whose children continue sharing their inner world don't hide behind the role of Mom or Dad. Their children know what excites them, what stresses them and what matters to them.
Children are more likely to share what's on their minds when they don't feel like they're the only ones being vulnerable.
3. They ask about feelings, not just performance
Most parents naturally ask about grades, sports, homework and accomplishments.
The parents whose kids continue opening up ask different questions, too:
"What felt hard today?""How did that go for you?""What are you thinking about lately?"These questions show children that their thoughts and feelings deserve as much attention as their accomplishments.
4. They don't make some emotions acceptable and others unacceptable
Most parents have no problem embracing excitement and gratitude. Anger, jealousy, sadness and disappointment are another story.
But children learn quickly which feelings are safe to share and which ones they need to hide. The parents who stay emotionally close to their children don't expect them to always be happy. They make room for the full range of human emotions.
When children learn certain feelings aren't welcome, they often stop sharing them.
5. They repair after hard moments
The parents I see with the closest relationships to their adult children know they aren't perfect. They apologize, revisit difficult moments and take responsibility.
They'll say things like:
"I was too hard on you earlier.""You didn't deserve that.""Can we try that conversation again?"Children need to know that relationships can withstand mistakes. Repair teaches them it's safe to come back after conflict.
6. They don't put their emotional needs on their child
I've worked with many kids who become overly focused on keeping the adults around them happy. They think carefully about when to bring things up, hide mistakes or avoid difficult conversations. This is simply because they don't want to upset them.
But the healthiest parent-child relationships free children from the responsibility of managing adult emotions.
Children are much more likely to open up when they know they won't have to take care of everyone else's feelings afterward.
7. They invite instead of interrogate
Parents often tell me, "I ask questions, but my child only gives me one-word answers."
Asking more questions usually isn't the answer. Children open up when they feel genuinely curious about their thoughts and experiences — not when they feel like they're being interviewed.
The parents who know the most about their children's lives create opportunities for conversation. They share stories about their own day, spend time together without an agenda, and make it easy for their children to talk when they're ready.
Those small moments help children see you as someone they can turn to, even when conversations get difficult.
Reem Raouda is a certified conscious parenting coach, speaker and author dedicated to one core idea: that loving your child and making them feel safe are not the same thing. She is the founder of The Safe Mom and creator of The Safe Mom Masterclass, helping parents raise emotionally healthy children through emotional safety, connection, and self-awareness. Find her on Instagram.
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